i'm not very interesting.

I haven't been posting recently. It's nearly two in the morning and the sound of my typing seems very loud.
I haven't really done anything the past couple of days... mostly, I've just been watching SVU and listening to Weezer. But mostly only Pinkerton and the Blue Album. Because I'm one of *those* Weezer fans.
One thing about myself that's both good and bad is that I don't have a very distorted self image... I think. So, this is good, in that, I don't obsess about things that aren't bad about me, and I'm aware of the things that are good, HOWEVER, I feel like the bad things I think about myself are fairly accurate, so I look in the mirror and see well, pretty eyes, and a normal nose and normal lips, and long eyelashes, but also acne and not very well manicured eyebrows. And I sort of turn that thought over in my mind, like a stone, and I think to myself, 'Yes. If you were a third party with no investment in this situation, you would agree with yourself.'
If that makes sense. Maybe I have a dissociative disorder.
I've been trying to work on my summer reading. School starts on Thursday. I'm... cutting it rather close this time, even by my standards. I want so so badly for my English teacher to like me and think I'm good but then I sit down and I stare at the book and the words on the page and the assignment, and I know that it's really not that hard but I just can't, I can't get into the headspace to actually do it. So it's been slow going. I spend about ten percent of my time doing my project... and ninety percent of my time stressing about it. It's not very rational but I don't really know how to fix this.
I'll get it done. I hope.
My best friend called me today. I talked to her for ten minutes, which is pretty short for us, but long for normal people. She told me about how she went to the zoo with her younger cousins and there were seals having sex but her cousins were like, 'LOOK! THEY'RE PLAYING!' and she was like, 'yeah! they're... having a great time...', which was true.
And then we talked about English, and I feel better because she's put about the same amount of work into it as I have so far... so we're planning on meeting up tomorrow when my mother is out to talk about the assignment. Because we're nerds.
And later I told my mother that Emma was coming over to go over the English assignment and she looks at me and says, 'You're not cheating, are you?' and I said, 'No, Mom. We're just...'
well, what are we doing?
'We're just trying to make sure we're doing it right.'
Which is true. But for a moment there, I said to myself, are we cheating? No. We're not. But sometimes I get nervous even though I didn't do anything wrong. I would fail the polygraph if I were ever accused of murder.
It's 2:06. It feels like it's been forever. I can't go to sleep at a normal hour now because I've been consistently staying up very late for weeks. So I'm fucked when school starts... in two days.
Shit.
I'm nervous. I'm starting high school. I don't want to fuck this up.
I'm going to sleep. I'm going to work on my English assignment. I'm going to listen to Weezer. I'm going to watch SVU.
I'm going to stare at the wall.
Goodnight.