BLOGGER ANGRY! BLOGGER SMASH!

This has been an uneventful weekend. I went to the mall with my best friend, Emma. Lately I've been noticing that I don't feel quite as comfortable as I used to around her. I don't know. It's a very subtle feeling- just sort of creeping up very slowly in my mind. I think maybe since she's so important to me, I feel like I have to please her more than I have to with my other friends? Or maybe I'm just reading too much into something. Or maybe... I don't know. I've always felt that, especially last year, I've always felt that I need her more than she needs me. I don't know. Maybe I'm just a jealous bitch. And I think maybe that part's all in my head, you know? Like, I'm insecure, so whenever she chooses to spend time with someone other than me, I just feel like she doesn't like me anymore. And I feel like maybe that's not.. healthy. But I don't usually feel like that anymore, mostly because I've been developing more friendships with other people. And I realized, just now, that she probably chooses to hang out with other people, because, until rather recently, I had two best friends, her and another girl who I believe I have mentioned in another post. Enormous falling out? That one. So maybe that's why. Because I feel like, if SHE had another best friend, that would be hard, for me. But I don't know.
So we went to the mall. And I didn't buy anything, but then we went to Target and I bought a teen book- which is weird, because I haven't read those in years. I bought a teen book and read it in one sitting, which is weird for me too, because from January to July I read fifty books, and then none from then until two days ago. Literally none. It's weird, because, as I read the book I really liked it, but now that I'm thinking about it it was sort of terrible. Oh well, at least I was able to squeeze some enjoyment out of something, right?
And then, Sunday, I had plans with another friend, but she bailed. Oh well. I love her to death, but she's a bit of a flake, this friend.
And Monday. I woke up at ten, which is unusual for me, so that I could FUCKING GET SHIT DONE. But then, my parents didn't let us leave till two. I need a fucking car, bad.
Here's something weird about me- sometimes, usually only at my parents, I get really, really mad. I don't know if this is normal or not, it's usually over really stupid things- like not being able to leave for four hours. I don't know, it just feels like my anger just sort of turns over over and over, like a snowball and it takes a while to melt. But the really weird thing about when I get mad is I just want to scream and throw shit and kick somebody. Not really my parents, when I get mad at them. Just someone. I don't know why this would be. I know it's unhealthy. Because I can't kick or punch or throw things, and I certainly can't scream. Even if my parents aren't home, the neighbors, you know.
So usually I just say, 'FINE. WHATEVER.' in a passive aggressive voice, and maybe slam some doors and stomp around, and then I go up to my room and stew in my own anger for a while. And after a while, if I manage to distract myself and not just feed the flames, it'll start to fade. Slowly.
I think anger is one of those more nuanced cultural taboos- I think it's not really a bad thing to express anger, according to society, but there are certain things that we are discouraged from saying; particularly women. So there's... there's that.
What am I even talking about? I don't know. It's early in the morning.