ghetto fab never looked so good.

Sometimes, I find it's difficult to put things in perspective. For example, today I spent over 1.5 hours trying to install minecraft in pretty much every manner, all the while becoming more and more emotionally unglued. You think I'm exaggerating, but there are literally tears of anger streaming down my face right now. I am shaking with rage. Yeah. I have a fucking problem.
I got a 100 on my Biology quiz. Some of my friends got the grades 40, 46, and 70. So... that's good for me. Yeah. I thought it was super unfair, though, because after everyone took the quiz, our teacher stands up at the front of the class and says something along the lines of, 'You all did poorly on this quiz, obviously you have not been studying nightly as I asked you to do.'
But the thing is, I haven't done any of that shit. And you might say, well, that's because you're a genius. And while that IS completely true /sarcasm, a lot of the people who got those poor grades really really did study and studied every night and made flash cards and shit like that. So I just thought that was really bitchy and unfair of her and it pissed me the fuck off. Excuse me if this entire post takes on an angry tone, I am still literally shaking in rage.
I feel a little better, though. MOVING ON! To another angry topic. I am an angry person. Am I? I don't know. I think so, maybe. I feel, sometimes, like I have no one to confide in completely. I feel like the emotion I am the least open to expressing is sadness. I don't really discuss sadness with my friends, or my parents. I don't feel sad that much, though. Sometimes I get so angry I feel sad. I think a lot of people view me as angry when I say cynical/sarcastic/bitchy things, but I don't think when I say stuff like that I'm actually angry. But sometimes I am actually angry, but that's a side of me that people I don't think ever experience. Maybe that's unhealthy. Or maybe, not. I don't know. Maybe I should get a fucking therapist. Except I can't, because then I would have to confide in my parents. So, no. Besides, my life is pretty sweet. I just wish sometimes I could get someone who would say, 'Yes. This is normal. You are fine.' Maybe I'm just too damn meta.
Anyway, on to the angry topic (Oh, you thought THAT was the angry topic? Ha.). So, in Biology we do labs a lot. We did one today. I addressed this in the last post, but it pisses me off, so I thought I'd write about it again. I don't know. I was the bitchy one, again, today. I did all the goddamn questions, and when either of my friends wanted to write, I had to spoon feed them the answers. I fucking swear to god. And they wouldn't handle the fucking homegenized chicken liver, and it's like, GROW THE FUCK UP. It's the same as any other fucking piece of meat that you both eat daily. So, that was fucking frustrating.
I often feel as though I get frustrated with other people when they aren't as fast as I am. I'm very aware of this, but somehow it keeps happening. And I feel like this makes people think I don't like them, but really, well, sometimes I really don't like them. But sometimes I do, I'm just better than them academically, and it frustrates me because they slow me down. I'm friends with the smartest kids in the school (that I know of), and I still get impatient with them. I don't know. I feel like I'd be better off if academia and social... stuff were two different areas. There is a fairly large group of people where, I can tolerate and even enjoy being around them in a purely social setting- i.e, the lunchroom, a football game, but when we sit together in a classroom, I just want to fucking punch them. This doesn't generally apply to my close friends, but I feel like it would just be easier to make friends if I didn't have this quality.
Today, I attended my first quizbowl practice. I was the only ninth grader- originally, my friend had planned to go but she had an unexpected doctor's appointment (read: her fucking insane parents didn't tell her she had a doctor's appointment until this morning so that she would miss the practice deliberately, because they're fucking insane and controlling) so I was the only ninth grader. And there was only one tenth grader. So it was all eleventh graders and 12th graders (because I can't spell the word 12th. Is there an f in there?)  One thing you might not know about me- I'm sometimes painfully shy. So there I was, in quizbowl practice, shaking (with nervousness, not rage), but then after a round or two- and some encouraging glances from our suspiciously effeminate but very nice quizbowl coach/honors 12th grade english teacher, I finally jumped in to the game. Apparently, my strengths are pop culture (expected), art (expected), and mythology (unexpected). I think I was actually pretty good... there were 11 people at practice, (dramatically up from last week's 2), and our team (BLUE!) won by a landslide. I also got the bonus question, sudden death tie breaker. (It was 'femme fatale') So that made me feel good. The answers I remember getting are- horus, dedalus, michelangelo, the a-team, nonegon, orion... and other things. uh... other things that i forgot. overall, very good. whee for ending on a positive note!