it's what we needed to have a good time

I went to a party about two weeks ago. I wrote this a few weeks ago, but failed to post it. This is more for my benefit than yours. It was my first unchaperoned, boy-girl, alcoholic sexytimes party. It was hosted by my on-again, off-again friend in an effort to make a group of kids who call themselves 'The Crew' (douchey. yes. i know.) like her more. This is also the group of people one of my best friends hangs out with while not with me. So I wanted to get to know them better, plus I feel like this is one of the things a person has to do while in high school. When we arrived it was just a few girls and 12 bottles of mike's. I had half a glass, half wanting to get smashed but mostly endeavoring to keep my wits about myself. Boys- four of them- arrive with Bacardi in a Gatorade bottle. because we classy sons of bitches. We drink. I don't, and neither does my best friend. Our hostess drinks a bit but is quite capable of holding her liquor. The fourth girl, whom we'll call C because these titles are getting cumbersome, also abstains from drinking. I assume it's a religious thing with her and also with my best friend. We play card/drinking games, which are fairly fun. Things are getting a bit rowdier but I am not perturbed. Then... hostess informs me that her parents will be getting home at 11. They think the party is going to be happening at the neighbor's house. The neighbor girl, whom we shall refer to as P, has been a friend of our hostess since middle school. She's kind of a bitch. P, and her friend, an eighth grader whom we'll call vomit girl for reasons that will become all too clear, have managed to get rather drunk. So has a third girl, the only sophomore. She, however, is actually somewhat capable at drinking and so handles herself fairly appropriately throughout the entire party. Our hostess hasn't planned the party very well so she and I, at my urging, begin to clean up the snacks she has laid out. One half hour later. We all put on our swimsuits- I put on a too-small swimsuit that belonged to our hostess when she was younger, and get into the hot tub. I dislike hot tubs because it feels like I am in a person soup, but wanted to be sociable. After a few moments, I get out to check on everyone else. I find my dear baseball friend sitting on the floor of our hostess's parent's bedroom floor, with vomit girl sobbing into his shoulder. He looks up at me somewhat bewildered, and I assume, with a twinge of jealousy, that she is an ex-girlfriend of his. I smile and leave him to his duty. P and one of the twins, and sophomore girl and a boy who's name I'm not really sure of but I refer to as 'the large boy', are pretty much fucking in the hot tub. After a little while our hostess frantically informs me that her parents texted to say they would be coming home early and we need to get everyone to P's house, like, now. Everyone drunkenly gets out of the hot tub. Hostess runs around cleaning things up inside the house, and C, my best friend, and I are tasked with somehow getting the drunken people to P's house. The boys are all kind of drunk but not terribly so. They are still conscious and standing. P and vomit girl, on the other hand, are not. Everyone is being a douchebag, except for baseball friend, my knight in shining armor. He attempts to single-handedly carry vomit girl, who is still sobbing, but fails because she is heavy. We end up organizing parties of two- one person on either side- of both drunken girls. I, for some reason, take vomit girl, who I have actually before that evening never met. Didn't even know her name. Anyway, I and sophomore girl take her, and my best friend and C take P. We walk down the driveway and down to P's house with considerable effort and much falling down. And sobbing. At this point, P realizes, in a moment of clarity, that there is a car in the driveway. We all assume that it is P's mother and after some standing in the middle of the road; rush, for some reason, back to the hostess's house. At this point, vomit girl has hit her head on several rocks and C and I think it would be best if someone called her legal guardian. Sophomore girl insists that this is not a good idea, but C calls anyway. NO ANSWER. For some reason, we take vomit girl up to this weird attic our hostess has and used as a playground as a child. At this point I ask if we are going to be 'hiding her like motherfucking Anne Frank in there'. Even kind of drunk and panicked, I am a nerd. Apparently, hiding her like motherfucking Anne Frank was indeed the idea. At this point, we have been joined by a boy who I like to refer to as 'The Lesbian'. Our hostess is madly in love with him. She has never spoken with him. He is outrageously late and everyone is freaking the fuck out. With him has arrived has arrived his older sister, who has just graduated. She was homecoming queen and was in my gym class. Homecoming queen is actually fairly helpful. She assists us in getting the still sobbing vomit girl up and into the attic and onto a couch. Homecoming queen and sophomore girl seem like they've got a handle on things so I go downstairs to inform our panicky hostess of what has happened. I go back up, and sophomore girl has left to check on P, who was apparently escorted back to her house by my best friend. C is currently taking care of vomit girl, and vomit girl is unconscious. At this point, homecoming queen has gotten her boyfriend from the car, and he is standing unhelpfully in the corner. Now the real fun begins! Vomit girl starts vomiting all over herself while still unconscious. C, homecoming queen, and her boyfriend all start freaking the fuck out. I calmly request that someone go get some goddamn paper towels and help me turn vomit girl on her side so she doesn't asphyxiate. Someone complies with my orders. Unhelpful boyfriend stands unhelpfully in the corner, gagging douchily. Vomit girl is vomiting a lot, and even I will admit that it smells really, really bad. Now baseball friend has arrived and, ever the gentleman, attempts to help me in cleaning up vomit. The vomit is down vomit girl's shirt, in her hair, and on the couch. C comes back up and attempts to clean the couch with febreze and uses carpet cleaner as an airfreshener. C tries to help with the vomit but has a rather weak stomach. Secretly, I think baseball friend does too, but wants to feel in control of the situation. Vomit girl vomits more, I clean it up. We get her onto a waterproof sleeping bag onto the floor. She vomits more. Homecoming queen, hostess, baseball friend, C, and I, all carry unconscious girl down the steps of the attic and take her into hostess's parent's bedroom, which has a wooden floor and a bathroom. Homecoming queen and her unhelpful boyfriend leave after exchanging cell phone numbers with me, and baseball friend soon reluctantly follows. (The other  boys, meanwhile, have been socializing outside THIS ENTIRE TIME.) At some point, C has managed to get ahold of vomit girl's legal guardian. Apparently her father died in a car accident a few months ago and her mother is crazy, so her aunt is taking care of her. I grab the phone and shout at the aunt to pick her child up. I attempt to clean the vomit out of vomit girl's hair. I successfully take the runny mascara off of her face. She is still unconscious and everyone is freaking the fuck out. At some point, our hostess's parents arrive. Her father does not really do anything and stays outside the whole night. Her mother first removes her jewelry and then I guess realizes that there is an unconscious, vomit covered girl on her bathroom floor and decides to kind of help us. Actually, I continue to clean up vomit as she explains to us that this sort of thing happens a lot in college. It is not, actually, very helpful. Then I cry some and the hostess's mother comforts me somewhat. C has been crying the entire time. The aunt arrives and does not seem appropriately concerned at all, MUCH LIKE ALL OF THE ADULTS IN THIS SITUATION. The aunt tries to wake up vomit girl. She is unsuccessful because vomit girl is unconscious. I help her carry vomit girl to the car. The aunt is annoyed because vomit girl has ruined her night out. The aunt thanks me and leaves. We all cry some more and finally call my best friend, who has been at P's house since the 'standing in the road' portion of the evening. P has not vomited or passed out, but has cried the entire evening. Since my best friend is a saint, she feels reluctant to leave P even though P is so drunk she won't remember anything tomorrow. My best friend comes over, we bathe briefly and recap the night's events. My best friend wants to go and make sure P is okay, so I accompany her, clad only in someone's hideous green and pink fuzzy bathrobe. My best friend goes upstairs to P's room, and I am left standing in the living room of P's house with P's older brother, his girlfriend, and sophomore girl. The girlfriend is extremely nice and we chat about That 70s Show for a while. I am mildly in shock. After some time, I fetch my best friend from P's bedroom and we head back to the hostess's house, where she, C, and I will be spending the night. We cry, recap the night, then angrily tweet before going to sleep at two in the morning.
Here are the things I got out of this experience that was probably something you had to be there for and will be very uninteresting to read about:
C is now my friend.
Drinking is sometimes awful.
Baseball friend is a shining example of a human.
I would go to this party again if I got the chance. Is it the lure of popularity? I don't think so. I think I just like parties. I like that something sometimes happens so my life doesn't have to be so stagnant all the time. I also like baseball friend. Let's call him J from now on.