our bodies get bigger but our hearts get torn up

Well, it's nearing the end of the semester. And I am filled with equal parts elation and anxiety. I'm taking chemistry, so that's with a bunch of strange juniors. In case you somehow missed this particular facet of my personality, I am often terribly nervous and withdrawn around strangers. Over time, I become more boisterous. But for the first month or so, I'm completely terrified. Inevitably, I resolve that this time will be different- I'll be my quirky, sardonic self and they. will. love it.
But every time, to some degree, when I enter a room full of strangers that I want to like me, the plan falls through.
Such is the downfall of this deliciously awkward persona that would otherwise be without flaw!
But of course, the elation is a part of this too. Elation to be done with physical education- or, as it could more accurately albeit lengthily named, 'walk around the gym in unflattering clothes while dodging projectiles' class.
And there's the excitement too, of meeting new people. Perhaps I will meet my wildly attractive, smart but not too smart, slightly sporty, darkly humorous but not too dark, and did I mention attractive? imaginary boyfriend.
I have this strange complex where, my ideal imaginary boyfriend is pretty much exactly like me but less so- just a few IQ points lower, a little nicer, more socially adept, more sporty. Equally attractive, I guess. I feel like if he were a lot more attractive, everyone would think I was a whore or something. I don't know. That's just the way things are.
Apparently, it's a thing now to post, like, 12 'confessions' in a row as your status on facebook. And inevitably, it's always some stupid cunt who's like, 'confession: I lyk <3 my bf sooo much Michael Richards' or something equally insipid and something no one gives two shits about. No one. If people were like, 'I am actually a lesbian.' or, 'Sometimes, I masturbate in my mother's lingerie' or, 'I did a lot of heroine when we were in 8th grade'- maybe then I would actually be interested. But of course no one is stupid or brave enough to do that. So instead I have dumb bitches- and they are always female- lying about how they used to be depressed, and they love their boyfriends, and they hate school, and they've broken their phones three times- clogging up my facebook feed.
/rant