well, i'm writing 'cause i miss you

I was walking by Whole Foods and there were these kids sitting outside and the instant I walk by they explode into this too-loud laughter. And it's so obvious to me that they're trying too damn hard and they're faking it, but I guess maybe they can't tell with each other because they're all faking. Sometimes, I feel like I've gotten so good at fake laughing that I don't know which one is my real laugh anymore. Because I don't ever have like, uncontrollable laughter, except for occasionally. But sometimes I find myself fake laughing even when I'm alone. Because, if I don't find something funny at all, I'm not going to even smile. But I often find things funny, just not funny enough to involuntarily laugh, so then I have a sort of fake laugh. But it's become so reflexive that I fake laugh before I process that I'm doing it, so I can't even tell. I sort of feel like this is something only women have to think about, but I could be wrong.
Speaking of gender dissonance, on Thursday a kid I know just didn't wear a shirt to school. And he just wore a sports jacket, but he unzipped to the end of his sternum. And everyone was like, 'what?' and he was like, 'yeah, my laundry wasn't done.' And he did this the entire day. And no one. Yelled at him. You have to understand that our school is incredibly strict on dress code, but really the only violations are too-short skirts and shorts and then too-thin shirt straps. And pretty much all of my friends have gotten in trouble for it and had to sit in the office until their parents could come and bring them a change of clothes. Which, by the way, is completely ridiculous because these people are constantly babbling about preserving the integrity of the school day and maximizing classroom learning time. But anyway. I simply cannot believe that this boy did not get in trouble for pretty much baring his entire upper chest. I. Cannot. I don't know why, because it certainly was more distracting to everyone than some girl wearing a tank top.
Today it was very foggy and while we were driving through the dark the fluorescent lights in the parking lots we drove by made everything look like it was on fire.
Also, I'm trying to write creatively more often? I guess? Or something? And I'm always just like, 'I'M GONNA WRITE A NOVEL.' and then I write a page. And I can never think of a plot. Plots are always the most difficult part, for me. And also connecting things. Like, connecting one little scene to another little scene? I feel like this sounds really pretentious. I don't know. I'm serious about this. Serious. So, what I did was, I wrote a scene about a guy during class. I like to try to write from a perspective fairly different from my own to minimize the risk of creating a Mary Sue, which everyone hates. Another thing I find in my writing is that my characters are sort of flat, but like, deliberately. It conveys a sort of emptiness, I think, that a lot of people feel. I don't know. I feel like I use a lot of qualifiers in my speech. Apparently I always have, according to my mother. I have only ever succeeded in completing one story, because it was required for school. But I thought it was pretty good. But then I get sort of seized with this fear that everyone thinks it's terrible, but instead of hiding it I force everyone to read it and I feel like they all hate it even if they say it's good. And I bet they think I'm just fishing for compliments, but I actually legitimately am interested in what they think, I guess? But no one ever really said, 'you need to eliminate this part.' or, 'you should change this line.' And it frustrated me. I don't know.
So the point is I made a little account on fictionpress. And I'm terrified. Not that people won't like it, but that people won't read it. Because no one will. There's a thing, though, where you can't post anything until two days have gone by. And it makes me angry. Okay, goodbye!
Also, this is my LAST POST... from this piece of shit computer. Because I got a used macbook proooooooooooooooooooooooooo. This. I cannot even. I am so happy. I am elated.