goodnight, uncle ted

My great uncle is dying. It's weird to say 'great uncle' because to me when I think of great uncles I think of relatives far away that I have never met. But this great uncle is actually a member of the family I see once every two years and quite like. The non-fucked up side of the family. The side of the family where my cousin died. (This is his grandfather. That's pretty fucked up, isn't it?)
I'm kind of angry about it, actually.
Because the last time I saw him he was already pretty far gone... into Alzheimer's, sorry. And, like, I didn't really know how bad it was until we got there to see everyone. He didn't remember his own granddaughter. I believe he referred to me as "that pretty little girl over there." Which makes me want to laugh and cry at the same time.
And then the time before that I feel like I was a child (hardly, at 13) and he hadn't been diagnosed yet. I'm so angry with myself for wasting the times that I could have had with him. I'm so angry because the time where everyone was, kind of without saying it out loud, saying goodbye to him, he was already gone. So really no one ever got to say goodbye and the whole thing is horrible. I feel horrible.
I guess I'm mad because I for some reason felt like I had a lot more time. I always feel like I have forever with everyone, that people don't die and won't be at my graduation or my wedding. Which is really selfish, isn't it? What a horrible thing to say. But that's how I feel. Whenever I think about my family I feel like they will always be there.
It's so horrible to think about how I'm never, ever going to see someone I loved ever again.