hello, how are you?
i'm doing well. i hope you are too. anywayyyssss...
it's been a while.
today i got an iphone. i am so in love. i am officially an apple fangirl, to the disappointment of my father, a diehard linux geek. IT'S JUST SO DAMN SHINY!
anyway. i read some transromer, a little bit of roach, some freud, and other things. i'm having a nice vacation. i went over to a friend's house, and tomorrow i'm going to a christmas party.
yesterday, one of my friends told me that there's a boy in one of our classes who tries really hard to impress me, but i couldn't imagine why, so i asked her. and she said that he wants me to think that he's smart, and i do, in fact. i wondered, though, why he would care so much what i specifically think of him, and she told me that i'm often very intimidating, ''when someone first meets [me]'', intellectually. which, is good, i guess? but i genuinely was not aware that i had that affect on people. i know i can sometimes accidentally make people feel bad- there's that aspergers!- but, i feel like these other people- this boy, for one- have so many other things going for them; they're very well-liked, usually, certainly more well-liked than i. (i often hesitate to use the word popular just because it's such a cliche)
so that's something in my life.
i don't know. also, i got my friends their christmas presents. i think they like them. sometimes, it's sort of a pain in the ass to pick out presents, but i usually feel as though it is worth it. usually. there's also always at least one person who gets me, like, a really nice gift, and i haven't gotten them anything, and then i have to keep EVERYONE'S present and give them to them privately but in the moment lie and say that i haven't gotten presents yet so that i can run out and get one for this girl. and of course, it did happen. oh well.
there's an old alice in wonderland quote that goes, 'it's better to be respected than loved.', from the red queen. i feel like perhaps i am more respected than loved, generally. i don't know, though, that one is better than the other. i imagine that i if i were more loved i would desire respect. i'm sure it's possible to have both, and of course to some extent i do, but generally... not.
my mother told me a funny story the other day- i like to describe my upbringing as vaguely christian, and i feel like this sort of anecdote supports that. so anyways, apparently one day we were all outside at night, and i pointed to the sky and said, 'look mommy! it's the jesus star!' and my mother was like, 'what?', and i was like, 'jesus lives there.'
and she was like, 'oh. sure.'
i had many things to say before i actually opened this window, but somehow all those concepts get away from me somehow.
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