I'm not sick but I'm not well

So how are you? I'm good. I'm doing pretty good, actually. WHO NEEDS GRAMMATICAL CORRECTNESS?
That's just how we roll in the rural South.
I'm doing well. I had thought that high school would be hard, but I'm actually doing very well. Report cards went out yesterday. They were good. I thought math would be hard, but it's hard. I feel good. God knows I measure my self-worth by numbers, why not learn other things to do with numbers? What am I talking about?
Tomorrow, I am going to the State Fair. I enjoy the State Fair, but unfortunately we will be selling 'ham biscuits' at the Kiwanis booth. Because I'm in Key Club. Why did I sign up for Key Club? I don't know, it's terrible and boring. But whatever. Oh, I remember, to pad college applications.
The other day in Biology we separated the DNA from strawberry. The cheesecloth we used to strain the mashed strawberry with looked like a used pad, but other than that it was actually super cool. You could actually legit see the DNA. It was AWESOME. I love science.
I've been thinking about politics lately. I wish I were better at politics, but I'm really not. You know what I've noticed? So, there's fuckloads of hype about the Republican candidates... but you never hear a damn thing about the Democrats. What the fuck is that? I think we need some fresh faces in the Democratic race. I feel like everyone is assuming Obama is going to be the Democratic candidate- but has that actually been decided? I don't think it has. This is ridiculous. And NO ONE else has noticed this. Okay, so I'm on the first google result I got, and there are two candidates, Obama and some dude named Terry... wait, no, Randall Terry. Who is both pro-life and anti-LGBT.
AWESOME, guys. FUCKING AWESOME. Let's all just have a slow clap for the democratic party, shall we? That's what I fucking thought. Goddamn. Maybe I should fucking run. With these two bozos, I think I might actually stand a chance. Nevermind that I have to be 35, I'll just pull a reverse Courtney Stodden. Does that sound like a sex position? That's because it is.
Also, apparently the Naked Cowboy and the chick from Roseanne are running as independents. WTF IS THIS? YOU'RE MAKING A MOCKERY OF THE U.S. POLITICAL SYSTEM.
Plus, rum tastes absolutely awful.