honey don't you love me

well. today is homecoming.
I won homecoming court, for sophomores. Which means I am one of two female winners for sophomores. The other female winner is my second best friend and one of the male winners is baseball boy. When I first found that we were both nominated, it became kind of a secret dream for us to both win. And then we did, and maybe, I guess, I thought it meant people liked me? Because that's what that means, right? People vote for you because they like you. But now it feels like no one I really crave the approval of even like me.
Baseball boy avoided me the entire night. I think he found out that I like him and obviously doesn't feel the same way and I feel a little bit horrible about it. Which is stupid.
It's amazing how I can have statistical proof that I am one of the most popular people in the school and yet somehow I'm not getting what I want. I never get invited to parties or to hang out. I don't understand how those two things are compatible.
Here's something horrible that I do. My second best friend is a member of this social group that throws all the interesting parties, like that one I went to that one time. And I just want so badly to get to go to those because I feel like it's what high school is. The red plastic cups and boys and gossiping and laughing kind of parties. So sometimes I feel like I completely un-subtly hint to second best friend that I wish I got invited to these (because of course she always does). And it seems as though she doesn't hear me. Which actually means that she does hear me but doesn't want to hurt my feelings.
I think a lot of people feel like I don't care very much about social things. Everyone thought I was mad that I won. I was actually thrilled. I wish I had posted before today because then you would get to see how excited I was without this tint of disappointment over everything.
I feel stupid that I care about this. Sometimes I feel stupid when I care about anything. I think it's something that we do now, as a culture. We make fun of people who care about things.
everyone is at an afterparty now. i have the SAT at 7 tomorrow. i think that describes my life pretty well.
sorry for being so horribly typically insecure teenage girl. this is probably one of the least interesting things you will ever read.