those lips and teeth that asked how my day went

are shouting up through cracks in the pavement!
this is not a real post, it is lazy tuesday. the following paragraphs are the only thing i accomplished today. that, and i learned about string theory from 'skippy dies'. also, i read a poem out loud and i pretended i was john green and i feel like i was perhaps able to absorb a bit of the power and certainty his words often have. i was also a knight in world history and learned about vagabondage from the internet which is actually not a sex thing. i like how i did not learn any of those things from school. see the example below:

            The sun beat down on the city and it was hot against his skin. He could feel the blood pulsing through his arteries. He thought of his wife, his beautiful wife with her wet eyes and chapped red mouth. He wants to make her happy. He wants them to be happy together.

            He stops and picks out twelve red roses from the flower vendor. He trades his money with its grimy papery smell for their faint perfume. X walks home, turns the key in the lock and there they are. She’s bent over the table with her hair hanging over her face. He’s fucking her. X can’t see can’t breathe and he tastes his pulsing red blood in his mouth and they haven’t seen him so he very quietly closes the door stands outside and waits for a while.

This is a slightly more mediocre continuation or perhaps prequel to my last paragraph which you may or may not remember. control f honey. i don't think his name is going to be x, i just couldn't think of one that wouldn't remind me of someone. i want him to be a tabula rasa.

i'm swishing with salt water and it's really more salt than water and it sort of burns my tongue. i have to do this so that the orthodontist tomorrow doesn't yell at me about my swollen gums... for some reason.

there ain’t no rest for the wicked 'til we close our eyes for good

             I think sometimes I’m a terrible person. This is one of those times. A few days ago I called The Peter a prude because I’m a lot more open about sexuality than he is. So then he felt it was his task to prove that he is not a prude by writing about his sexuality. He posted an essay of this nature a few days ago, but before I saw it he took it down. Of course, The Peter doesn’t really have a good poker face, so I ended up pressuring him into putting it back up because I was extremely curious. And I kind of feel like it was a dick move, because he made it pretty clear he didn’t want me to see it. Of course, it was an interesting essay and certainly made me see a side of The Peter I hadn’t been entirely cognizant of before. Overall though, it was pretty tame, at least, compared to some of the topics I could have addressed if I were to write a post of a similar nature.

            I read THIS article yesterday, and it got me thinking about my masturbatory history. At this point you should realize that this entire entry is entirely inappropriate. So. You've... been warned? It’s actually a little bit hazy, but I think I started out on Craiglist in the erotic business section. I quickly learned a series of keywords that would get me the filthiest, smuttiest want ads- daddy, whore, etc. It was sort of interesting because I feel like I discovered a lot about what I’m interested in… for better or for worse.  I was eleven or twelve. That section of the website, if for some reason you're interested, has since been closed down. THANKS, CRAIGLIST KILLER. At some point I transitioned from that into real porn on Slutload-  I have no idea why that site, it isn’t very good. Slutload was, however, the website that allowed me to put a name to my particular proclivities, and that name was BDSM. I enjoyed Slutload for a few months before- THE HORROR- I forgot to completely clear my browser history and my mother borrowed my computer, on which she found one errant porn clip. She told me we could get a virus from porn sties or worse, arrested, if any of the actors were underage. I begged her not to tell my father, and to this day I have no idea if she did or not. I was horribly embarrassed, and that was the end of that! Just kidding, of course. It was, though, the end of Slutload. For a few weeks I think I quit porn entirely, but eventually my sex drive won over rationality and I sought out other porn sites.

This led me to Good Vibrations Magazine, which, if you have never visited, is pretty much the Ranger Rick to Literotica’s National Geographic. What I’m saying is that it’s really tame. Borderline boring. I sustained myself on that for a while, but eventually realized that Slutload had desensitized me to the point where I couldn’t get off quickly on some girl talking about sex with her boyfriend.

Good Vibrations led me to some of the authors for the website- Kitty Stryker and Maggie Mayhem spring to mind. It was at this point that I learned a lot about the kink community, safe sex, and sexuality in general. Somewhere along the line, I discovered the Mount Olympus of erotica- BDSM Library. And what a depraved Mount Olympus it is. To be honest, I tend toward some of the tamer stuff on the website- much of it is too violent for my liking. Piercing? No thanks. Actual incest? Um, no. Feces? Fuck no. Snuff? Wait, what is… HOLY FUCK. (I wouldn't link you to real snuff, I promise. Mostly because I don't have the heart to search for it.)

After a spell spent tiptoeing through the darkest corners of sexual fantasy, I found the banner ads in the margins of the pages on BDSM library entirely too tempting and clicked on one. Specifically, one for kink.com. Initially, I was nervous about my return to pornography in the traditional sense, but quickly found that kink.com is a so called ‘indie’ porn site. This means, well, it’s supposed to mean, that they’re more interested in the wellbeing of their actors than other companies. Like, they keep records of everything on the website. They add a short clip of the porn stars attesting that they enjoyed all of the events that transpired to the end of each video, and it’s these little additions that help make me feel better. Because, you know, at the end of the day, I’m still a bleeding heart lib. 

I am going to write a post about Alzheimers and my general life lately, but I felt that would be entirely inappropriate.